Reclaiming yourself - from roles to identity
As some of you know, my son recently left for college. I helped him shop for his new dorm, walked the campus with him, and of course, said goodbye — between the waterfall of tears, and the pride that swells when you see your child stepping into their own life, not only was my son in an identity shift, but so was I.
When my children are young through teenagehood, my husband and I would tell them: “We are responsible for keeping your brain, and heart and body safe, while we teach you how to do that for yourself. Eventually you will be completely responsible for yourself.” The week I took my oldest to college, it hit me that, that time had arrived. He was 100% responsible for his own mind, body and spirit and therefore my role had changed to spectator, (being a cheerleader was always the case). And that hit my heart. There is so much that comes with lengthening the energetic cord to your child and trusting that they will be taken care of by the world. And there was a deep, deep grief that has accompanied this transition for me. Not only was my child not going to be under my roof, to see his beautiful face every day, hear his voice, and feel his energy- that was all painful enough…and also, I would never again have the same role in his life. And I was in an identity shift. While it’s been filled with excitement and pride for him, it has also been very painful for me.
Rebirth of identity
Even if the role/identity shift is positive, it can still come with grief. Something we don’t talk enough about in our culture unless it surrounds physical death.
So the question becomes how do I honor this identity shift, and how do I move into this new role?
My work continues. My passions are still here. But the space where my son’s presence filled the house feels different now. That’s the thing about roles — they’re not just titles. They’re lived spaces in our days, and when they shift, we feel it.
Being a mother isn’t all that I am. I’m also a wife, an entrepreneur, a spiritual healer. And each of those roles comes with its own picture of how I’m supposed to live it — some handed down by family, some shaped by society, some born from the desire to do better than what I came from.
Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: society, family, tradition — they hand us a script. In that script, sacrifice isn’t just expected, it’s praised. We learn to put others’ needs first, to shape ourselves around what the role demands, even when it quietly asks us to set aside our own. Over time, it’s easy to lose track of where the role ends and you begin.
As women have several pretty well known identity shifts, known as maiden, mother and crone. These align with our menstrual cycles. In present day, we don’t honor these shifts with ritual. In fact, they are often seen as very negative. When we begin to bleed, it’s like: “omph, sorry you’ll have to deal with that from now on, here’s a tampon and some ibuprofen”. If we become pregnant and birth children, very little education and support is given- in the United States its seen as an illness an emergency. And when we stop bleeding, we are seen as old, dried up and useless. However ancestors of just about any culture in the world would have honored, revered and had ritual and ceremony surrounding each of these identity shifts as a women. We would have been taken care of by elder women and taught how to live in accordance with our cycles.
Instead, most women run themselves ragged through life taking care of everyone else, until typically about midlife when children leave to begin their own lives, divorce, death or even spiriutal awakenings happen, and suddenly the hours that were filled with other people’s needs, our partner’s needs, the rhythm of home, and the demands of work — open up.
And then there’s the silence.
It’s tempting to fill the space with busyness. But that’s how we lose ourselves — by treating the silence like something to escape instead of a place to listen.
This is where the real work begins: learning to ask what you want without apologizing for the answer. Not what the role wants. Not what you’ve been told you should want. You.
Sometimes that starts small — noticing what lights you up, what drains you, what you miss. Other times it’s a deeper dive — peeling back the layers of habit and expectation to find the woman who’s been there all along.
Ways to Begin Reclaiming Your Needs, Desires, and Voice
Begin with your mindset Begin to recognize that you are more than the roles, more than the noise of expectations and limitations. Start to really listen to the inner narrative in your head, particularly the negative self-dialogue that tells you to play small because you aren’t good enough, or knowledgeable enough and start to question: “Is this really true?” Follow those thoughts in search of the root of where that narrative came from. It is usually a person(s) in childhood, and/or belief systems particularly religious. You weren’t born thinking these things, so perhaps when you realize these are other people’s narratives put upon you, you can begin to unwind and create new pathways in your brain that are wired to how YOU truly think/feel and believe.
Begin to view your body with possibility There is a good chance you hold disdain for your body. It doesn’t fit societal standards of beauty, or you live in chronic pain, or you have low mobility. Whatever the reason now is the time to view your body as full of possibility. Possibility that it’s beautiful, strong, and capable. Whatever that looks like for you. Learn to love the body you’re in.
Spiritual Realignment
You are spirit. Soul. A living part of something greater. Your life, your choices, your voice — they are sacred. When you start from that truth, everything else begins to shift.
Stay close to what keeps you in alignment with that truth. That might be prayer, meditation, breathwork, or simply a few minutes of stillness each morning. Let go of the old bricks — the beliefs or habits that were built from fear or people-pleasing — and choose what’s true for you now. Writing it down, noticing where you’ve drifted, and gently bringing yourself back… that’s how you keep realigning.
Practice Forgiveness & Let Go of Attachments
The weight you carry from the past will keep you in the old role. Forgive yourself for the choices you made when you didn’t know better. Let go of the old stories. You can return to your center anytime you notice you’ve been pulled off course.
Use Your Voice Intentionally
Your voice is your truth made visible. Speak it, write it, sing it, pray it. Catch yourself when you shrink your words or soften them to make someone else comfortable. Replace them with words that carry love, gratitude, and honesty.
Embrace Accountability and Personal Responsibility
Sovereignty means owning your life — your feelings, your choices, your desires. Not blaming, not waiting for someone else to validate you. Create a safe place inside yourself to ask the hard questions and act from wisdom instead of reaction.
Engage With Community
We’re not meant to do this alone. Find the people who remind you of your worth and walk this path with you. A healthy community will anchor you and help you remember who you are when you forget.
Trust Intuition and Inner Guidance
Your intuition is your built-in compass. Listen to it. Trust it. Act on what it tells you — even if it’s only a small step at first. That trust grows with practice.
Celebrate Progress, Practice Patience
This is a journey, not a quick fix. Notice the small shifts. Celebrate them. Be patient with yourself when you slip back into old patterns — because every time you choose again, you are building a new way of living.
That quiet space that shows up when a role changes — it isn’t empty. It’s an opening. It’s the part of your life that’s waiting for you to step into it fully, without the old scripts telling you who to be. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Just start with one choice, one truth, one act of remembering who you are. That’s how you begin to live from your own center — and from there, everything else grows.
Reclaim your freedom
When roles shift, identities shift too.
As I shared in my recent article, taking my son to college opened up a flood of emotions I didn’t expect. Pride and excitement for him mingled with a deep grief for me—because my role as his everyday caretaker had changed forever. And when a role changes, it leaves a silence. A space that once brimmed with someone else’s needs now asks: Who am I, outside of this role?
This is the very heart of what the Freedom Era Summit is about—reclaiming yourself when the old scripts no longer fit. So many women find themselves in identity shifts: children leaving home, divorce, spiritual awakenings, career changes, or simply the call to live more authentically. These transitions can feel lonely or even disorienting, but they are also invitations—openings into freedom.
The summit brings together powerful women who have walked these paths and now share tools, wisdom, and rituals to help you move through your own identity shifts with grace, courage, and sovereignty. It’s a chance to honor the grief, reclaim your desires, and step into the next version of yourself—not by the roles society hands you, but by the truth of who you are.
The Freedom Era Summit runs September 26–28, 2025.
It’s completely free to attend!
Stay apprised and check updates on the Coming Soon page.
